The Philosophical Perspective of Snapchat

Social media is a curse and a blessing in disguise. You don’t think I get afraid that people can look up my name and stalk me on Google despite having all my social media apps on public, expect my twitter and snapchat where I do my real shit talking? As a writer I’m building my brand, theofficialkikireyes, but as a person, I’m just being myself. I understand my snapchat consists of moments I should keep to myself, but then nobody would know how fun I can be. Then there’s that argument that people will find out when they get to know you; However, I don’t seem like an approachable person sometimes. Maybe that’s why I over do it sometimes.

Being an emotionally deprived person like myself we tend to do many questionable things in order to prevent emotion, such as post a zillion videos on Snapchat that are entertaining, but the underlying message is your probably really lonely in your daily life. Not saying I’m completely alone, but in the way that you’re seeking your follower’s attention saying “I want someone to understand me.” Not being understood is such a lonely feeling. Not all videos have underlying messages like that. They can be showing off to the guy that broke things off with you (why would you allow him to follow you despite that), your friends that didn’t invite you to hang out last week, to show people your location, etc. etc. etc…

Maybe dealing with emotion in the present (not snapping, while things are happening) will help you feel less alone and make people seek to understand you since you’re not posting very often like you were before…

-KIKI REYES

 

 

Mejor Sola Que Mal Acompañada… 

I decided this summer I would start dating through apps such as Tinder and Bumble. It seemed easy, I thought why not? I’m twenty-two, I have a part-time job that is not too time-consuming, I’m getting a master’s, I have everything going for me, but boy was I wrong. My main intention for “dating” was to find inspiration for my novel. As horrible as that sounds, I have no accurate descriptions of love because I’ve never been in love so I decided this was as close as I could get.

I started with Tinder and found myself swiping left and right for matches. Before I deleted it I had about a hundred and fifty matches and out of those matches only ten of them messaged me, out of those ten, two got my number, and out of those two, I went on one date and it took him a week to text me back. It was a good date, in fact, we had a lot in common, he just didn’t think so. Maybe HE thought it was a horrible date! How embarrassing.

I was very discouraged after that, but my sister convinced me to get a Bumble. I looked it up and thought it looked a bit more professional than Tinder and the guys looked like they wanted more than a hook up/FWB. I have to admit it was harder to get matches on this app. There was something about having a hundred and fifty tinder matches that made me question my attractiveness and if it was a huge mistake/joke (high school scarred me). I ended up with a few matches and I messaged them. Funny thing was some of my Tinder matches were on Bumble too. One of them claimed I stopped talking to them on the other app, which I replied: “Sorry I’m not good with these sort of apps.” I started a great conversation with one guy, so great I met him the next night for coffee. Crazy right? I’ve been seeing him for a few weeks; however, he has begun slowly withdrawing from me. It could be me being paranoid, but I have low expectations. I am realizing that in a matter of time we will stop talking/hanging out altogether. My sister, who’s mastering in Psychology, said its called, self-fulfilling prophecy when I get paranoid things will go wrong. It always happens.

So moral of the story, is I probably did this online dating thing wrong. Just Kidding in all seriousness, I think these dating apps weren’t for me. I mean it’s not like I was looking for love anyway, but ten percent of me kind of was. I got these apps with the intention of having them all summer and going on dates with many guys, but I quit. I feel a bit discouraged now but comes to show I know what I want now. Not this summer fling nonsense I want the time to actually get to know someone and develop feelings based on their personality and interests not based on lust and attractiveness.

I also have to learn to love myself before I begin dating again. Nothing drives us crazier than being jealous over things that don’t matter because of our own insecurities.

(do you think Match.com is legit? Haha I’m kidding)

For now, I say, mejor sola quIMG_2087.JPGe mal acompañada…

-KIKI REYES

Why Not Now?

During my residency, I took a class entitled, “Rewriting and Revision,” with Colette Freedman. One quote that has stuck with me from that class (after a random tangent) was “Forties is where it’s at! It’s the best age to be because you don’t care what people think of you. You don’t give a fuck.” At age twenty-two, almost twenty-three getting to the point of your life where “you don’t care about what people think of you” is light years away.

I thought by now my obsession with body image would fade, but it’s the same. The only thing that’s different is I don’t act on it anymore. I don’t have to go into detail about that because I’m sure you know what that means.  Last year I was at H&M and I got a blouse off the rack and I tried it on knowing it wouldn’t fit into it. It looked like a size zero, but since the tag said four I pretended it would magically fit. I was a size four at that store for numerous years, but suddenly I stood there looking at myself in the mirror with the buttons looking like they were popping out of my chest. After that experience, I thought about getting a breast reduction up until my friend told me that H&M changed their sizes because she didn’t fit into her normal size either.

Why do they do this to us?!!! It’s so fucked up. What do we do?

Honestly, these types of stores are not curvy friendly. We see these models on tv with over padded pushup bras and rib cage bones showing, how in the fucking world will I ever look like that? I wish society wasn’t as superficial as it is now, but the only way to move on from this is to ignore it.  They say love yourself like it’s an easy thing to do. It’s easier said than done… But let’s fucking do it! Maybe we don’t have to wait until our forties to except ourselves, why not now?

 

-KIKI REYES

 

Reasons Why I Suck At Dating

  1. You get sprung up on a guy who doesn’t want to be in a relationship.
  2. Making plans with someone is hard to do especially when your busy 24/7 like me.
  3. You suck at communication or maybe he sucks at it. Why does it take forever for a guy to text back? Seriously.
  4. He never texted back ever again. I know what an asshole.
  5. You get sprung up on the next guy, who shows so much interest in you. Then, you become skeptical of that and will probably ruin it in a span of 3 weeks. (it’s been two thus far.)

Forever alone, over and out

KIKI REYES

 

Cold Hearted Bitch Is Not Actually Cold Hearted?

I’ve always struggled to express how I feel about anything really. I want someone to be able to read my mind and emotions, so I don’t have to explain to myself. I’ve always thought why do people care about how I feel? Maybe I’ve had to please too many people in my past that I forgot how to please myself. I think that’s why I’m a perfect candidate to be a writer because through writing I can say what I need to say, but in person, I feel disconnected towards my emotions.

How will I be able to fix that?

Push myself to tell everyone how I feel, no matter the consequence. If I can fix this flaw about myself, I can accept my insecurities.

Not being able to express emotion really fucks you up when you’ve been hanging out with someone you might consider dating because they will never know how you feel. This has been the case for many years, which has gradually numbed me over time.

What I want you guys to know is: DON’T BE A ME! TALK TO HIM AND EXPLAIN WHAT YOU’RE FEELING!

Oh, I should do that too?

-KIKI REYES

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m A Fucking Vampire

I’m a fucking Vampire,  not in the thirst for human blood, but in the way, I’ve been going to sleep late and I keep waking up two hours into my sleep. What does that mean? I woke up, texted a friend back, who was surprising awake too, then I closed my eyes waiting to sleep. Eventually, I did fall asleep only to wake up early for my genre workshop morning class, which I was late for.

With my luck, people filming a promotional video for my MFA program came in and filmed us workshopping my chapter. My LUCK! I tried to act as natural as I could, but seriously? I probably looked awkward as fuck, but whatever what can I do now? I guess we’ll have to wait until the video comes out… hell ya I’ll send you guys a link to it! HAHA

There could be many factors to why I fucked up my sleeping schedule for example:

my MFA program low-residency week, Rebelution Concert,  staying up contemplating my life, over-analyzing things that don’t matter, just not wanting to go to sleep.

Wait I just realized that I’m not a vampire I’m actually a Zombie. Right isn’t that what they say when you’re tired? Wow I gotta go sleep….

-KIKI REYES

unnamed (1)

Also try this the superfood salad at The Honey B at Antioch University

 

 

Are You There? It’s Me Kiki

Hi, friends, fans, and stalkers,

I took a couple of months off from writing, particularly blogging. I had to take the time to evolve as a human being and a writer, mostly human being. The person who posted six months ago is not the same as the one writing this post right now. In fact, I’m officially a graduate student (youngest one in my cohort) and new front desk receptionist of my university. I also gained a whole new perspective on life and it’s pretty damn optimistic.

You guys are probably excited to hear my two-sense on things and my awkward daily encounters with people. You would think at 22 I would get how to be an adult. I think it should come with a manual.

Also, I miss my readers. Sorry for going “ghost” like the kids say nowadays.

unnamed -KIKI REYES