I’ve always struggled to express how I feel about anything really. I want someone to be able to read my mind and emotions, so I don’t have to explain to myself. I’ve always thought why do people care about how I feel? Maybe I’ve had to please too many people in my past that I forgot how to please myself. I think that’s why I’m a perfect candidate to be a writer because through writing I can say what I need to say, but in person, I feel disconnected towards my emotions.
How will I be able to fix that?
Push myself to tell everyone how I feel, no matter the consequence. If I can fix this flaw about myself, I can accept my insecurities.
Not being able to express emotion really fucks you up when you’ve been hanging out with someone you might consider dating because they will never know how you feel. This has been the case for many years, which has gradually numbed me over time.
What I want you guys to know is: DON’T BE A ME! TALK TO HIM AND EXPLAIN WHAT YOU’RE FEELING!
Oh, I should do that too?
I’m a fucking Vampire, not in the thirst for human blood, but in the way, I’ve been going to sleep late and I keep waking up two hours into my sleep. What does that mean? I woke up, texted a friend back, who was surprising awake too, then I closed my eyes waiting to sleep. Eventually, I did fall asleep only to wake up early for my genre workshop morning class, which I was late for.
With my luck, people filming a promotional video for my MFA program came in and filmed us workshopping my chapter. My LUCK! I tried to act as natural as I could, but seriously? I probably looked awkward as fuck, but whatever what can I do now? I guess we’ll have to wait until the video comes out… hell ya I’ll send you guys a link to it! HAHA
There could be many factors to why I fucked up my sleeping schedule for example:
my MFA program low-residency week, Rebelution Concert, staying up contemplating my life, over-analyzing things that don’t matter, just not wanting to go to sleep.
Wait I just realized that I’m not a vampire I’m actually a Zombie. Right isn’t that what they say when you’re tired? Wow I gotta go sleep….
Also try this the superfood salad at The Honey B at Antioch University
Hi, friends, fans, and stalkers,
I took a couple of months off from writing, particularly blogging. I had to take the time to evolve as a human being and a writer, mostly human being. The person who posted six months ago is not the same as the one writing this post right now. In fact, I’m officially a graduate student (youngest one in my cohort) and new front desk receptionist of my university. I also gained a whole new perspective on life and it’s pretty damn optimistic.
You guys are probably excited to hear my two-sense on things and my awkward daily encounters with people. You would think at 22 I would get how to be an adult. I think it should come with a manual.
Also, I miss my readers. Sorry for going “ghost” like the kids say nowadays.
I haven’t worn makeup since Halloween-I know I wrote in my N.M.N “rules” that I am allowed to wear on special occasions, but I really wanted to be committed to this. So I didn’t wear makeup to a friend’s birthday dinner, out shopping on the weekends, while teaching, at my elderly friends’ Thanksgiving dinner party, and at the gym (I wouldn’t dare even if I wasn’t doing NMN). They say it takes 27 days to form a habit, However, at 23 days I feel like this is a part of my daily routine. It used to take me maybe 2 hours to get ready and now I’m out the door in 30 minutes.
What I’ve learn, so far is society blinds us with superficiality, in order to hide us from our truths and make a profit out of our misery. Think about it; We spend so much time hating ourselves, which results in finding ways to “fix” our “imaginary flaws.” So we fix our “flaws” and begin to resemble everyone else. Why are we afraid to look our own unique way? Right now the standard of beauty is to have perfectly shaped eye-brows, lip fillers, plastic asses, and long hair extensions that should be used for cancer patients who actually need them.
Makeup was use to highlight our beautiful features, eyes, beauty marks, etc., not to bury ourselves in it. So after NMN is done, I want to make sure I’m not hiding behind my makeup, I want to highlight my uniqueness and stand out.
The children at my work kept asking me why I wasn’t wearing makeup, which I responded to “I’m doing No Makeup November to show people you don’t need to wear makeup to feel pretty.” Great answer, but these past seven days I kept asking myself why am I doing this? I asked this especially when I walked into a work meeting and saw an attractive guy sitting across from me.
Last week I thought the reason I’m doing this was to rebuild confidence, but now I’m doing this in regards to people battling body dysmorphia. What exactly is body dysmorphia? According to the Anxiety and Depression Disorder Association, it can be defined as “A mental illness involving obsessive, focus on a perceived flaw in appearance”( https://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd). This illness develops at a young age and eventually morphs into eating disorders. Being barefaced during November helps you celebrate your imperfections, only to realize you’re perfectly imperfect.
I am currently writing exactly a week into November, and I’m not going to lie this is harder than I anticipated. Day four was the most difficult day because I had the urge to cover my face. There was something about looking at myself in the mirror and not feeling confident because of how I looked that day. Maybe it was the visible bags under my eyes and acne on my face that caused me to feel insecure, but I haven’t felt that low in a while. Having a bare face shouldn’t make you feel vulnerable; however, societal beauty standards have caused us to feel this way. We must practice to love ourselves for the way we are. This practice begins with who we idolize.
One week completed
So who do you idolize? Please don’t say Kylie Jenner. Everyone looks like her these days. Where has our originality gone?
Again, I am not anti-makeup. As an avid makeup consumer, I believe that we shouldn’t be “caking” on makeup when we feel insecure. Or wearing five different kinds of foundation to have an entirely different shade that is so far from your natural skin color in order to appear flawless.
Well, I’ll keep you updated
P.S on a different note PLEASE GO OUT AND VOTE!
I started wearing makeup my freshman year of college, not counting special occasions. I’ve spent massive amounts of money on makeup since then.
My own Makeup Stash…
I still think my purchases on cosmetics are worth it; they have led to many great memories. For example, when I bought my first red lip stain and began wearing it consistently during my sophomore of college. This was before Taylor Swift decided red lips were her trademark for her “Red” album.
I can rely on makeup to help me look less tired and appear older, but I have started to depend on it like its apart of my personality. It’s not entirely a bad thing. I am known for my pink and brown eyeshadows, thick eyeliner with a subtle wing, rosewood lipstick, but I’m getting exhausted having to take the time to look a certain way. I’m sure most of my friends who are reading this haven’t noticed the details of what I wear, but I’m okay with that.
Well, I decided I need a break from makeup to remind myself of who I am underneath it. I have discovered when I’m feeling the most insecure is when I “cake” it on. So I decided to do “No Makeup November.”This is not going to be easy, but I feel like it is necessary. I also want my students to understand the importance of natural beauty.
I came up with some rules of “No Makeup November” occasions for whoever wants to join me:
- Begins November 1st-ends 30th
- Cannot wear any form of makeup on typical days-nights
- Keep a journal and write about how it makes you feel daily
- Special Occasions: can only wear makeup that looks natural.
- This is only okay during events, such as weddings, special outings, dates.
“No Makeup November” is not something I created (I only created my rules for it). It is linked to Ending Sex Slavery (http://nomakeupnovember.org/) and a Chrisitan Organization called Rave Miniseries (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/21/no-makeup-november-christian-movement_n_4316414.html).
I also want to add that I’m not anti-makeup at all, I’m just in it for the learning experience.