N.M.N: Self Improvements

Hi friends,   I was suppose to write during my halfway mark, but I couldn’t. Not because I didn’t want to, I just was still trying to fight off doubts. I didn’t want to rant about how not wearing makeup highlights my flaws and how the events going on were endless trigger after trigger. Now that I’m in a better state of mind, I can admit that the days I could clearly see my imperfections were also the days when I doubted myself the most. What were the doubts? Well. I wasn’t just centered on appearance, but not knowing where … Continue reading N.M.N: Self Improvements

No Makeup November

Welcome to November! (I know a double post) This is my fourth year participating in “No Makeup November.” It began four years ago, when I was teaching children ages 5-12 at an after-school program- this was back when I thought I was going to be a teacher, that itself is another story. I remember I was supervising the older students during their snack break, when one of them mentioned they couldn’t wait to get older like me. I asked why and they responded, “because I can wear makeup and be beautiful like you.” This broke my heart. To them the … Continue reading No Makeup November

Please Don’t Hate Me/ “I Go to Work to Work and not Make Friends”

PLEASE DON’T HATE ME. The break between April and now (November) has been long and unexpected. I think it was subconsciously intentional. Life gets difficult, you get blind-sided, people fuck you over, you loose friends, and you need some time to understand the proper ways to tackle things in a healthy matter. I made the decision to stop going to therapy because I’ve learned how to deal with my emotions and anxiety in several different ways. One way, was to start writing how I feel in my journal like I normally did; Another way, was to take a step back … Continue reading Please Don’t Hate Me/ “I Go to Work to Work and not Make Friends”

Get it Together, Kiki. (2019 Edition)

Hi Friends (Exactly what the title states right?), I’ve been busy networking, adjusting to my job, going through healthy rounds of therapy, and crying because of rejection. You would think that after my reading for Outloud SB I would be thriving in confidence, and I was for a bit, but it’s starting to fade a little. I’ve always had trouble taking rejection because I ALWAYS felt like I’ve had to prove myself to others. I know people say not to care and to be yourself; however, sometimes it’s easier said than done. The best part is I’m trying! I’m trying … Continue reading Get it Together, Kiki. (2019 Edition)

It’s Because I Feel Too Much

I recently bought a waterproof mascara because I’m known to be emotional. As a child, I thought it was odd to cry as much as I did, but now I tell myself, its because I feel too deeply. I even wrote a song about it a few months ago called ” Validation.”  Its because I feel too much and things get real too fast. Sometimes I even think, I’m dealing with my own ancestor’s/ family’s trauma in this generation and that’s probably why I’m like this. Whatever it is, I have to thank my emotions because I have creative outlets as coping … Continue reading It’s Because I Feel Too Much

*Holy Water (Poem) (2013)

Hi!!! I’m fresh out of my Outloud SB reading and I’m eager to tell you all the details now, but I have to post my creative writing work first. I’ll write about it sometime this week. Six years ago, I was in David Starkey’s Creative Writing class at Santa Barbara City College and we learned how to write “Prose Poems.” According to Poets.org, Prose Poems can appear as prose but reads like poetry.  At nineteen, and even now at twenty-four, I often questioned whether American society was becoming more superficial.  I wrote the prose poem “Holy Water,” envisioning god making … Continue reading *Holy Water (Poem) (2013)

If Only, If Only… Hi Dodgers!

Hi, So, I have millions of dreams that I want to achieve and they all involve writing and journalism. Some include: publishing my two short stories collections, writing for T.V, and becoming a news assignment editor. My dreams have shifted, but for about a year now, I’ve been thinking about becoming a sports journalist on top of everything else. The reason is: It’s a masculine career and I like to challenge the status quo. ALWAYS! I only watch one sport, baseball. I only root for one team, the Dodgers. It was until a few years ago I was able to … Continue reading If Only, If Only… Hi Dodgers!